I went to school with a guy named Elvis Presley.
People completely short-circuit when they encounter a normal person with a celebrity name. Like they think a magic trick is being performed on them.
“Elvis Presley? You mean, like the singer?? That’s incredible! So, that’s your real name? I don’t understand the way names work, how could that possibly happen?”
Eventually they ask, “Are you related to the real Elvis?” It’s the only explanation they can come up with that makes any sense to them. Inevitably, they say, “Do you ever get any of his money?” As if the Presley estate just hands out checks to anyone standing in line with the Presley name. I mean, everyone in my family has my exact last name but I’ve never given any one of them twenty bucks.
Sometimes people are so baffled they’ll keep asking if you’re kidding them. Like you’re running an elaborate Nigerian Prince name scam. “Seriously? Elvis Presley? That’s your name. For real? Spelled the same way? Using the same American alphabet??”
I wonder if these people react this way to everyday objects. “A chair?? Really? But that thing over there is also a chair! You mean to tell me this is called a ‘chair’ too? Are you putting me on?”
If they ever met a person named Chair, they’d be lost forever. That would be the story they’d tell at every family gathering.
“Did I tell you about the time I met a guy named Chair? That’s right. C-h-a-i-r. Roy Chair. Just like a real chair. Thought I was going to lose it. Names are a mystery, huh?”
Then one day a celebrity shows up with their name, and suddenly they’re the ones being interrogated.
“Tom Holland? You mean like the actor? Seriously? Are you related?”
“No,” he has to say. “But I wish I had his money.”
“Hey, Chair! Get over here. This guy says his name is Tom Holland.”
[Image by HoggyArt from Pixabay]
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